Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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