i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
