you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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