Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
