So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The Olympian is in my bed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
