we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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