Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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