I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
