Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
