I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize