All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
