you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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