i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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