Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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