last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
