I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
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I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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