Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
