yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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