dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
