The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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