Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
