Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
