high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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