my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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