Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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