Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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