Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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