If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
