he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he was CRYING into my vagina
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
