You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
