Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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