There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
