he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
