Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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