I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize