Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
