i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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