Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
