i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
