If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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