weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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