you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
