That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize