I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
