I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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