I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
