He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
