dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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