i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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