Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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