Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
