Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
