You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
