Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
God I need to hump something, right now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
