even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
