Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
