I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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