I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
