worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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