is your mom at the bar?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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