I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
