i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
