you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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