I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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