I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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