I can text with my tongue
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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