Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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