Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
