lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
