He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
id be glad to
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
