Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
